Julius Caesar – II
From Senate Shenanigans to Consul Conquests
If you’ve ever wondered how Julius Caesar managed to go from a man of little renown to the most famous dictator in Roman history, look no further than his life, which was as packed with political intrigue, strategic alliances, and scandalous tactics as a modern-day political reality show. With a flair for the dramatic and a complete disregard for the subtle nuances of decorum, Caesar’s career was marked by both bribes and bold moves, often in equal measure. Strap in for a whirlwind tour of his rise to power—complete with some side-splitting moments of political theater.
First things first—Caesar wasn’t just aiming for the ordinary political offices. No, he was gunning for Egypt. After all, why settle for a regular Roman province when you could rule a whole kingdom? He used his ties with the tribunes to push through a proposal to get Egypt assigned to him as a province. His reasoning? The Alexandrians had kicked out their king, who just so happened to be Rome’s buddy. Classic power move: when in doubt, blame the locals for your lack of real estate. Unfortunately, not everyone was on board with his Egyptian aspirations, and the nobility—those old-school Roman elite—had other plans, nixing his bid for Egypt faster than a celebrity’s 15 minutes of fame.
Not one to take rejection lying down, Caesar knew exactly how to handle a political setback. His solution? Stick it to the establishment by restoring the long-forgotten trophies of his predecessor, Gaius Marius. Marius had earned those honors through some epic victories, including battles with the Teutoni and the Cimbri. The only issue? These trophies had been destroyed by the famously vengeful Sulla, who wasn’t exactly a fan of Marius. But hey, no problem! Caesar wasn’t about to let a little historical nuance stand in his way. He simply rebuilt those trophies, hoping to win a little popularity with the masses.
Speaking of enemies, Caesar didn’t shy away from a little drama in the courtroom either. He took it upon himself to judge those who’d benefited from Sulla’s infamous purges, and while most people would’ve stayed neutral, Caesar made a habit of labeling these “beneficiaries” as murderers. Nothing says “I’m for the people” like trying to make sure your rivals get their comeuppance in the most public, politically charged way possible.
But perhaps the most entertaining courtroom moment came when he suborned someone to bring treason charges against Caius Rabirius, a man who’d helped the Senate shut down the seditious tribune, Lucius Saturninus. Caesar’s bitterness was palpable—he was really good at holding grudges. His performance during the trial? So theatrical that Rabirius’s appeal to the people couldn’t save him. Caesar had struck terror into the hearts of the crowd, making sure that everyone knew this was one trial you didn’t want to mess with.
When it came time to secure the position of chief pontiff, Caesar did what any self-respecting future dictator would do: bribe his way to the top. He was so desperate for this post that he boldly told his mother, “I will never return home unless I’m elected.” Talk about setting the bar high for ambitious politicians everywhere! And guess what? He won in a landslide. In fact, his competition didn’t even stand a chance, and Caesar was so successful that it became clear—his rise to power was only just beginning.
Caesar’s tenure as praetor had all the drama of a reality TV show, especially when it came to the whole Catiline conspiracy thing. Most of the Senate was on board with executing the traitors involved, but Caesar, ever the reformist, had other plans. He proposed an alternative punishment: exile and property confiscation. But the Senate was in full-on “hang ‘em all” mode, so Caesar had to flex his political muscles. This led to a face-off in the Senate, where Caesar’s life was even threatened by a mob of armed knights. Talk about getting a little too passionate about your political proposals.
After that, he made his dramatic exit, abandoning the Senate (and his opposition) to lick their wounds, but not before making sure his enemies knew who was boss.
Next on Caesar’s agenda: taking on the Farther Spain province. But Caesar’s ambition was always bigger than any single office, and he wasn’t about to let something as minor as customs or laws slow him down. In a rather rushed fashion, he headed to Spain, leaving his official business unfinished. When he returned to Rome, he tried to claim a triumph—but his timing was off. The law said he couldn’t run for the consulship while celebrating a military victory, so Caesar, ever the problem-solver, tried to suspend the laws just for him. When that didn’t work, he dropped the triumph idea and focused solely on his next power move: the consulship.
Speaking of the consulship, Caesar was savvy enough to know that there’s no such thing as an uncontested political race. He formed an alliance with Lucius Lucretius, a man with money but no real political weight. Together, they bribed the electors and threw Marcus Bibulus into a tailspin. But it wasn’t just about the bribe. No, Caesar was a true politician at heart—he also reconciled Pompey and Crassus, two major political rivals. With this strategic alliance, he had all the power he needed to march into the consulship, effectively outmaneuvering his opponents and guaranteeing that nothing would stand in his way.
Once Caesar took office, he made sure to leave his mark. In one particularly hilarious act of dominance, he introduced a regulation that required all senate proceedings to be recorded and published for public consumption. Talk about a move designed to keep your enemies on their toes! He also had his colleague, Bibulus, ousted from any meaningful role in their joint consulship, which led to the infamous line, “Nothing was done in Bibulus’s year—no, Caesar only did everything.” Bibulus might as well have been a decorative potted plant for all the influence he had during his term.
And when it came time to handle the land distribution? Caesar didn’t just toss out public land to the people. No, he did so with flair—giving away land to over 20,000 citizens, all while keeping his political opponents distracted and on the defensive.
At the end of the day, Julius Caesar’s rise to power wasn’t about being a nice guy. It was about understanding the game, bending the rules, and turning every setback into an opportunity for more control. Whether through strategic alliances, ruthless power plays, or just sheer audacity, Caesar’s political life was a masterclass in how to achieve greatness (or at least, how to leave everyone in your wake questioning their choices).
One thing’s for sure: If Caesar were alive today, he’d have the ultimate political podcast and a Netflix series about his rise to power. Would it have a happy ending? Well, we all know how his story ends—but let’s just say his final act was as dramatic as the rest of his life.
