OMG! It’s God!
As the sun shone brightly into my room, I sat there, looking like a fake philosopher who was lost and confused. Outside, everything was cheerful and sunny, but I was stuck inside, thinking about deep questions and struggling to fold a bedsheet properly. But the sun had other ideas. It played around with shadows on the walls, and a pesky fly joined in by buzzing around my head as if it were training for a flying competition.
When I thought things couldn’t get weirder, a crow started cawing loudly outside my window as if it were giving a fancy TED talk. Amidst all this chaos, I had a sudden realisation. Life’s mysteries aren’t meant to be solved but embraced with curiosity, wonder, and a good sense of humour. I half-expected the shadows to start performing a lively rendition of ‘Hip-Hop’ or a ‘Balle-Balle’ dance. But alas, they remained obediently still.
With furrowed brows and a cup of hot South Indian coffee, I delved deep into the abyss of life’s mysteries. Why do we exist? What’s the meaning of it all? And why can’t I figure out how to make my bed properly? And why can’t I mix drinks properly? Why do the “dosas” in every household have holes in them? Why is my dog Tommy’s tail bent like a circle?
But a peculiar thought struck me amidst the sun’s playful tricks and nature’s chorus. What if life’s mysteries were not meant to be solved but embraced? What if the journey itself, with all its twists and turns, was the ultimate destination? Perhaps, in the grand cosmic dance, we are meant to pirouette through the mysteries, gracefully accepting the unknown.
And with that, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let the sun’s radiance seep into the depths of my soul. My mind was filled with questions, and I decided it was time to seek answers, even if it meant having a little fun with the divine.
I thought that if it is even possible that God exists, then God must exist.
Suddenly, as if scripted for a theatrical masterpiece, a shimmering light engulfed the room, and from within emerged God in the form of a 21st-century Guru. The air crackled with a sense of divine presence, and His mere presence commanded attention. He was adorned in a resplendent ‘dhoti’, woven with intricate patterns and vibrant colours. He wore a regal ‘kurta’ with delicate embroidery and exquisite motifs. He donned a majestic embroidered stole, or ‘dupatta,’ which gracefully draped over His shoulders to complete the ensemble. His feet were adorned with intricately crafted sandals. He looked radiant, with cascading locks of long, snowy white hair elegantly swept back. The matching beard was meticulously trimmed perfectly, as if divine barbers had personally trimmed each strand. A masterpiece in the realm of heavenly grooming!
A hush fell over the surroundings as God materialised in the room, and anticipation filled the space. With a charismatic smile, He took a step forward, radiating an aura of knowledge and intellectual prowess. He stood tall, radiating an aura of profound wisdom and wit that seemed to fill every corner of the room.
God cleared His throat and began the conversation with theatrical flair.
“Ah, greetings, my dear devotee! I have to say that you have summoned me with your yearning for answers. Fear not, for I am here to quench your thirst for knowledge and engage in a lively exchange of ideas.”
His voice, rich with depth and resonance, captivated me as if drawing me into a cosmic symphony of wisdom. His words flew effortlessly, filled with eloquence and a hint of playful banter. Each sentence was carefully crafted, carrying the weight of profound insight and subtle humour.
I took a deep breath and said, “Dear God, if I may address you as such, I’ve been pondering the purpose of my existence. Why exactly was I born? What am I meant to achieve in this grand cosmic symphony?”
God, now in His professorial form, pulled out the only easy chair in my room, dusted it with His stole and made himself comfortable. He let out a deep sigh.
“Ah, my eager student, the purpose of life is a question that has baffled philosophers, theologians, and even cosmic comedians like me throughout the ages. Life is like a pop quiz where you’re given a unique set of questions to answer. The trick is to find your meaning amidst the chaos and create a masterpiece.”
Looking at my dumb, expressionless face, he quickly continued, “Life is too short to take seriously. So, laugh loudly, dance awkwardly, and eat dessert first…because who knows what the future holds?”
Encouraged by His witty response, I continued, “Dear God, Guru Ji, in this pursuit of knowledge, how should I navigate the vast ocean of education and make the most of it? Any tips?
God’s eyes twinkled with intellectual mischief. “Ah, education, the great adventure of acquiring knowledge. Remember, my dear pupil; knowledge is not a mere collection of facts but a journey of discovery. Explore diverse subjects, and challenge conventional wisdom. Education is like a buffet, except sometimes you have a plate full of rice and no curry. And when you feel overwhelmed, remember that even Einstein had his fair share of ‘Eureka!’ moments.”
With a chuckle, I moved on to matters of the heart. “God ji, when it comes to matters of love and relationships, what’s your expert advice? How can I find and nurture a fulfilling partnership?”
The funny side of God was evident. He leaned forward, clasping His hands together, and gave me a knowing wink.
“Ah, love, the eternal Shakespearean comedy. My dear fellow, approach it with humour and romance. Love is like a Netflix series; you binge-watch, get emotionally invested, and pray it doesn’t get cancelled. Don’t be afraid to dance in the rain, share laughter over terrible jokes, and remember that even the greatest love stories have their fair share of plot twists. Embrace the beautiful messiness of love, and you’ll find the elusive happily-ever-after.”
Feeling lighter, I posed my next question. “God Ji, what about work life? How can I find fulfilment and make a meaningful contribution?”
God nodded thoughtfully. “Ah, the world of work, where ambition meets coffee breaks. Remember, my diligent pupil, finding fulfillment requires a delicate balance between passion and purpose. Pursue what sets your soul on fire, and remember that success is not measured by the number of office trophies but by the lives, you touch along the way. So, conquer the corporate realm with your wit and brilliance! Work is like a soap opera – drama, plot twists, and the occasional villain. And let’s remember the never-ending supply of office gossip.
Finally, contemplating retirement, I asked, “God Ji, what awaits me in the twilight of my life? How can I embrace the golden years with grace and fulfillment?”
God, now embodying the wise Guru, smiled knowingly. “Ah, retirement, the grand finale of life’s show. Embrace it like a seasoned performer taking a final bow. Allow yourself to reflect, savour the achievements, and share your wisdom with the world. The twilight years are when your idea of a wild night is staying up past 9 PM without dozing off in front of the TV. Remember, my astute student; retirement isn’t about growing old; it’s about growing bolder. So, enjoy the late show of life, my dear student, for the show must go on!”
“Wait, Guru ji for a moment.” I pleaded as I saw Him looking at His golden watch and preparing to leave. “One last question. What’s the meaning of life?”
God, Guru Ji, burst into loud laughter. As His laughter filled the room, it echoed like a mischievous band playing during Ganpati festivals, leaving me wondering if the walls were joining in the fun. “Life has no meaning. Meaning is just a word. Forget it. You’ll never find a ‘meaning of life’. The meaning of life is like searching for Wi-Fi in a remote jungle – we may never find it, but we’ll still spend countless hours refreshing and hoping for a connection. Accept that life is what it is, and make the best of it. The best for you and the ones around you.”
But as mysteriously as He had appeared, God vanished, leaving behind a trail of cosmic stardust that shimmered in the fading light. My room returned to its normal state.
I couldn’t help but marvel at my dear God’s dramatic entrance and exit. It was a fleeting moment, a glimpse into the infinite tapestry of existence. And though He was no longer physically present, His wisdom, wit, and divine essence lingered within me, shaping my understanding of the universe and my place within it.
Sitting in the afterglow of this extraordinary encounter, I heard a familiar shout from the kitchen. It was my wife.
“Are you coming down for breakfast, or should I give it to Tommy? And don’t forget to switch off that loud, stupid TV.”
Rudely awakened from the afterglow of my extraordinary encounter, I returned to my normal state.
Oh, the cruel twist of fate! From the divine encounter with GOD, I plummeted straight down to the level of DOG, leaving me lamenting my misfortune with a heavy heart and a bewildered bark.
I dashed downstairs, still disoriented, and found my wife and Tommy sitting at the breakfast table. Tommy, our mischievous pet dog, wagged his tail and looked at me expectantly.
I sighed, realising my celestial glory moment quickly became a comical mix-up. I looked at Tommy, eagerly waiting for his breakfast, and said, “Well, Tommy, I guess I’m joining you for breakfast today. Who knew the path to divine enlightenment would involve a little bit of barking?”
My wife burst into laughter, struggling to contain herself, handing me a plate of ‘Idlis’ with coconut chutney and a ‘Katori’ of sambar. “Looks like you’ve had quite the morning, haven’t you?” she chuckled.
I took a seat next to Tommy, my dignity temporarily discarded. I couldn’t help but think that perhaps being a dog wasn’t so bad as he munched on his bread and I on my ‘Idlis’ in the company of my amused wife. My train of thought seemed to have left the station without me.
At least the breakfast was delicious, even if my transformation had left me feeling a bit ruff around the edges.
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