Mysterious Romance-A story of magical unspoken love
Part 1
College-goers experience some kind of romance. Romance comes from different quarters.
It may be explicit, widely known. Lovey-dovey couples become the focal point of importance, attention, surmises, scrutiny, gossips. Such relations rarely end in fairy-tale marriages but more frequently terminate in awkward situations and break-ups. Often many couples due to immaturity do not know when to put the brakes on the uncontrollable streetcar named desire and face adverse consequences.
More frequent are those involving secret admirers.
In such cases there may be speculations but no definite proof. Secret exchange of meaningful glances, unspoken words and thoughts, love letters never meant to be sent, poems in praise of the beloved never to be recited………….a love affair deeply concealed from the realms of reality, but running wild in the infinite expanses of unbridled imagination, being exclusively cherished in the intangible world of silence and fantasy. Such lovers feel that the betrayal of their feeling which is so special would spoil the very beauty of it- maybe a rejection by the beloved, teasing and jeering by peers, spreading of the news like wildfire, uncomfortable whispers and comments.
So, if we take into consideration the romantic milieu of the institution in its entirety, what we get to see and know is actually very little. The entire buzz may overshadow silence. But silence is not vacuum. Silence brims over with the most profound thoughts of romance and flights of fantasy. The sounds of silence have more meaning than the sounds easily heard.
When we stand in front of a deep sea, we only hear the roaring and gushing of waves on the surface level. What we don’t get to hear is the sound in the depths of the sea having all the treasures and wonders which everybody does not have access to. Silence is intriguing-apparently nothing, yet something. And that something is really something.
From the depths of the silence will now emerge a mysterious romance that happened many years ago and still continues in a mysterious and magical way………….
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Part 2
It so happened that there was once a boy and a girl, both brilliant students, toppers of their departments……………….it was a golden period of success in their life………….
The girl was beautiful with looks to envy for though she was humble. She was a bit uncommon in the crowd. A sweet and decent fashionista flaunting both Eastern and Western styles, she outlined her eyes beautifully with liquid eyeliner and subtly applied pink or brown eye shadow, sometimes also blue-certainly “Miss Attractive Eyes.’’ She wore glasses. Had she not worn glasses her sweet innocence and softness would have been more prominent. She was serious yet fun-loving, but in a matured way. She knew her limits, could sense how much or what was good for her-so the after effect of what she did was good. She was not a people pleaser, not doing things she knew was bad for her. This was a rare quality she had reflecting her intelligence and maturity.
She was a neutral person. She was straightforward, yet controlled and reserved. She never told much about herself, never gave herself away completely. Others understood that she had her limits. She was friendly, helpful, girlish yet with a lady-like personality, moody yet inviting, placid yet gay. Her friends would cluster around her for her warm ways, yet she maintained a certain distance which they dared not to cross. She never intentionally hurt anybody or harmed others.
Coming to the boy…………
He was mysterious to girls as he was seldom seen talking with girls. He was serious, wore spectacles, yet boyish, fun-loving. He was often seen to play fun cricket and laugh heartily. His father was a professor of the same institution, though of a different department. Maybe this had an inhibitory effect on his subconscious which was manifested in his outward behavior. This unconsciously shadowed his actual self with some caution.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………
They were batch mates and did Chemistry Pass classes together. She was the first to approach him and ask for a guidebook he was holding. With a funny smile, he blushed and gave her the book. She went through the book and returned it. He acknowledged her thanks with a decent nod and smile. He could not look at her face and there was an added color in his cheeks. His face betrayed that something wanted to gush out from his throat which he with a lot of effort was resisting and gulping down.
She was eagerly waiting to strike a conversation with him, but he remained mute and she did not know what to do. She returned to her work. Though she remained outwardly oblivious of him, she was constantly wondering why he was silent, what could possibly be the meaning of his smile and what he would have said if he talked.
His father was a professor of the department and would take the Practical Class, later Theory. One day he was very satisfied with her performance and told his son, “You see, she has done much better than you.’’ He was blushing like anything.
He would pass her, look at her knowingly yet in an expressionless way. There was no exchange of a simple “Hi’’, “Hello ’’ or “ How are you?’’Yet their eyes would meet.
Sometimes her departmental friends would say, “Look, she is his wife.’’ She would blush.
She felt that they both were toppers, slim, wore spectacles, height wise also matched, so the friends had kind of framed this relationship. No. It was not so shallow. One of his friends who had studied with her in the same school one day said, “No. There is something. He has admiration for you.’’ ……………………………………………one day, in the pass class when Sir was absent, this friend came up to her and said, “You look fantastic.’’………..maybe those were his words which he himself could not come up and say.
When he saw her, it was as if he had suddenly been struck by lightning. The suddenness of being surcharged by a medley of powerful emotions rendered him action-less, speechless and blank, not knowing what to do in the moment. She would look at him. Instinctively knowing that he would not talk, she remained silent. But she felt him as he approached, he talked, he walked past her, and went away.
At times she thought him to be eccentric, at times unsmart-she would think “I was the first one to go and talk to him, and just see! Is he a stupid, speechless, unsmart nerd? Well, damn him!’’
………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Time passed.
In certain times she could sense his secret admiration for her. She used to wear beautiful sarees on special college occasions. She looked very beautiful and different in a saree. He had three bosom friends-together they formed the “Four Musketeers.’’ Similarly, she was neutral, but she did Chemistry Practical with 3 other girls and also formed a group of four and often was seen in the college campus in this group.
She had often sensed one of the musketeers getting excited and notifying him, “ She has worn a saree. You must see her.’’ From some secret corner he had seen and secretly admired her.
One day in pass class Sir was absent. Her friends were playing Antakshari and she was singing. She could sense he was straining his ears to listen how she sang and his friends were smiling. One of her friends said, “Why don’t you sing more loudly. Then they can hear you more easily.’’ She burst into laughter.
One beautiful evening, she was dancing in the moonlight on the college grounds on a festive occasion. It was impromptu dancing and she looked so happy. Her friends cheered on, “ Very good. Carry on. ‘’ She discerned he was standing at a distance with his friends, noticing her. Did he secretly desire to come up to her and dance?
One day she was walking through the common departmental passage alone. It was afternoon. He was standing there, gossiping with many boys of his department. One girl approaching, being simultaneously eyed by so many boys…..consider the situation! The boys were mischievous, yet young gentlemen. Some of them smiled at her in a friendly way. They made her feel comfortable. Yet, she instinctively felt something was brewing.
She knew she was correct in her surmise, because when she turned round the corner so that her back was facing the boys, she heard someone saying, “Hey! Why don’t you go!’’
She had the feeling that some of them were insisting a boy to come up to her. When he hesitated, some of them pushed him towards her. He was desperately trying to hold himself back to prevent himself from falling on the girl. She felt like turning back to catch a glimpse of the situation, but a sudden thought restrained her from making this move. What if the boy was him? It must be him. She somehow did not want him to find himself in an embarrassing, awkward situation. She let go of it, and walked away, as if unperturbed. Silently she wished she had two eyes on the back of her head. Her mind was preoccupied with a question, “Was it him?’’ Her intuition went on saying, “It must be him.’’ Yet certain confusions remained and this incident kept on haunting her.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
On the day of the prize distribution ceremony, she arrived in the large hall much before time. She was joined by another girl – her close friend. Both of them, after much thought, chose a cozy corner. They were immersed in conversation on an interesting issue. Suddenly she looked up and discerned a third entrant in the hall, who had seated himself nearby in the opposite corner. He was none other than him. Their eyes met. He was looking at her. The other girl did not know him and was busy doing an assignment.
He smiled, she smiled. Oh! How she was expecting he would talk to her! They continuously looked at each other, but neither could speak. There was suspense in the silence of the empty hall. What would happen next?
Suddenly, the boy did something very unprecedented. He shook his head, suddenly got up, and sat in a more distant corner of the hall.
The girl was quite bewildered. She pondered restlessly in the silence why the boy went away. Suddenly she recalled a similar action she had done earlier in school as an adolescent. She was thirteen and was experiencing her first strong infatuation. She knew a boy of a different section for a long time as they went in the same school bus. Suddenly she started having strong feelings of love for him. She tried her best not to disclose it to anybody.
One day the school bus was quite empty and both of them were sitting on the same bench, he by the window and she in the corner some distance apart. She started to get very strong feelings. How she longed to tell him about his feelings and hold his hand! It was going out of control. Suddenly without a word she got up and sat on another bench. Their eyes met, his eyes pondering what made her get up so suddenly. She continued to look at him, her eyes betraying her underlying emotions kept under control with much difficulty.
She understood that the same thing had happened to the boy. They both kept silence to settle this unsettled matter.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
College was coming to an end.
One afternoon, the girl was walking in the college campus. A long distance ahead, she saw the Four Musketeers. He was there. They were looking at her and talking. From their smile and reactions it was quite evident that she was the hot topic of their discussion.
She had a sudden reaction. She increased her pace and caught up with them. All of them became silent. She smiled at the boys. Three of his friends smiled back at her, but his face had become very pale like a criminal who has been caught, and he dared not look at her. She looked at him directly and smiled, but his face was pale and turned away, and it seemed he would have a heart attack. She walked alongside him for a while, and then slowly went ahead, as if waiting for him to come and join her.
Yet there was no positive development. He remained where he was, even though she heard his friends encouraging him. She came up to him, yet he could never muster the courage to come up to her.
That was the last real-life encounter they had.
Yet, it did not end there……………………………………..
Mysterious Romance-Part 3
The girl and boy drifted far away after college in different directions.
In university the girl had a very good time. Her streak as a topper continued. In the cultural field also she excelled. Sometimes when she thought of college he came as a passing thought, but nothing more than that. She was a bit exceptional but still she had a good social life. There was as such nothing to worry about. Things were going well in the expected direction. She had not much time to muse about the past.
While studying in university, she had to go to college on the prize distribution ceremony to
collect her prize for topping B.Sc Part II examination. That day she was being constantly reminded of him. He was also one of the prize winners. What if he comes? Will he talk with me?
She knew he was studying in one of the reputed IITs. When she had gone to college earlier, she had met a friend belonging to his department. She had asked about the others. When she asked about him, her friend had smiled and told her where he had been admitted. Old memories of college kept on resurfacing in her mind.
She dressed beautifully in a white salwar suit. She entered the hall and met one of her favourite juniors- a friendly girl with a sweet smile. She was being constantly reminded of him and what had happened last time. He was not there, but she could see him gazing at her smilingly with a longing glance. The gaze seemed to penetrate her.
Has he come? Where is he? Will he come? If he comes, I will straight go up to him and speak.
He had not come much to her disappointment. His father had come on his behalf. She was shattered. She visited her department to show her college professors her prize. She envisioned him standing in the passage. No, he was not there. Her searching gaze did not meet with him, but in her imagination she could see him. Why was he really not there?
She came down and was about to leave when suddenly she saw his father looking at her. His father had talked with her when she was a student. He appreciated her, but his son had never talked. She smiled at his father. She felt, “Should I go up and talk to him?’’ It was not impossible. He had talked earlier. But somehow she felt, “You have never ever talked with me. Why should I talk? What is the use of talking?’’ She somehow could not go and talk with his father. Maybe she should have. She was having some strong feelings of `abhiman.’ She left.
Apparently she did not have so much liking for this fellow at that point of time that she would regard him as her lover without whom she cannot stay. Though sometimes that day she got emotional, she ultimately dismissed all such thoughts as rubbish.
“Why would I think of a boy who never talked to me? He is living without me. If he was so concerned could he ever do that? Then why should I go on thinking about him?’’ Life again continued.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
The golden period was going away. Darkness was coming. Known people and known places were not good any more. They were becoming harmful out of jealousy and revealing their ugly faces. She was exceptionally talented. She was very humble, unconscious about this. But her unhampered self and success was enraging them and igniting their envy. There was widespread corruption.
The people who had done good for her were now hell bent to do bad and spoil her.
One of them said, “People do not want good things to happen.’’
Of course, that is true. But there is a time which favors you to win even when amidst them. There are times when the harmful consequences are beyond tolerable limits resulting in irreversible damage. She could foresee only futility in her efforts and irreparable damage.
She could not compromise with her values, honesty and well-being.
One day when she was sitting alone in the room of her working place, her inner voice shouted and screamed, “This room has poison which is invisible to you. The place is poisonous, the people are poisonous……. Get out of here and never come back again, whatever may happen. Get out……….get out…………get out………..’’
She was alarmed, and could not ignore the inner voice, the voice of her Conscience, the voice of God-her intuition. She had never harmed anybody so God also protected her from harm. Her gut feeling had saved her many times. She got the explanation later. If she had ignored her gut feeling she had experienced troubles. She could not ignore this, however hard she tried. The decision was very risky. But she took the risk, she took the plunge.
Few years later a talented senior admitted, “ You are so intelligent! What took seven years for me to realize you realized in seven months and left?’’The similar group of people had intentionally destroyed his career wasting seven years of his life despite his most sincere efforts. The same thing would have happened to her. After that he resorted to unfair means to climb the ladder of success. She was stronger. She could not afford to do that.
With courage she took up life in her own hands.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Life after taking the plunge was not easy.
“The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: But we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We’ve got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen.’’- D.H.Laurence
Now in front of her everything was vacuum. She had to reshape her life to secure a new foothold. A very difficult path lay ahead in front of her. She was destined to climb a new mountain.
Though there was a lot of thrill, freedom to pursue and cultivate new and varied interests, enjoyable moments, productive past-times, there were lots of unexpected setbacks also. It became very difficult to make simple things happen. Nothing was aligning with her. But still her inner voice went on saying that this was a much better option for her.
She had to end old ties. Whenever she tried to pursue her old interests, she felt she was in a blind lane. She had to change direction. Facets and talents in other directions lying dormant in her resulted in more productive outcomes.
Often she was alone and would recollect old memories. It was then that she started deeply feeling for him again. Sometimes she terribly missed him. Sometimes she felt he was coming. Sometimes she felt he had truly come again.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realizes an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don’t have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.’’
Virginia Woolf
The bygone days seemed to pull her backwards in timeline,
The memories made her paint with colors of heartfelt pain ……………………………………..
It was a new land with lots of greenery, flowers, golden sunshine, moonlight, freedom, breaking barriers,
The days were full of beautiful melodies………………..
The melodies she could still feel with tears in her eyes, with her heart bleeding…………………
She could recall how it was when she first met him……………………
Their last meeting……….she had walked up to him…………..he had not………………………………
The paths of both of them then drifted apart, fate did not have it to make the paths converge…….
But he must be loving her through thick and thin…………………
Otherwise how could the vibrations of his love reach her so realistically?
She had never felt him with so much intensity. She wanted to rewind her college days, constantly longing to relive those few precious moments with him and pondering how she could have made things different.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Had she really lost him? Will he come back?
In the blue waters of the river was reflected her dream……………
So many years ago in the holy waters of Sachi Tirtha the ring of Dushmanta had sunk into the unknown depths,
Shakuntala’s aanchal had become empty –
Shakuntala had been unconscious at that time…………………………………………………………..
Her tears created ripples in the waters of the river-
In the inner recesses of her heart he could feel his voice loaded with tender love,
Even the silence was so loaded with his voice, his whisperings, his dialogues…………………..
Even in the calm there was so much restlessness…………………..
Suddenly a waft of cool breeze,
Loaded with the fragrance of Just-bloomed flowers and new green grass
Brings the indication of the dream –come –true reunion-
She felt even if I have lost something as vital (like Shakuntala lost the ring of King Dushmanta) unconsciously,
I will get back my lost treasure sometime-
The fire of pain would melt many closed doors
Bringing fresh love, new address of greenery,
Beckoning me to a new land with blue sea and blue mountains-
She cements her belief in her dream in the blue realms of solitude.
(Reference from the story of King Dushmanta and Shakuntala-When she visited the King after the bath in Sachi Tirtha, the king had forgotten her. She thought she had his ring to remind him of his love, but she could not find it. King Dushmanta could not recognize Shakuntala. But after that the ring was found from one of the fishes from a fisherman’s catch. The ring would remind King Dushmanta of Shakuntala again. After a long painful episode they would reunite.)
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
At one point everything seemed to fall apart and she was withering under the pressure of depression and uncertainty. It was then that she was gaining the power of creativity. Her boiling emotions out-flowed into creative endeavors. But she was finding it difficult to handle herself. Nobody understood her except her mother who loved her truly. She was kind of confused and helpless.
Then magically he resurfaced very powerfully in her mind and appeared the most in her fantasies and dreams. It always seemed he was by her side. She deeply felt him, and the dreams and fantasies were very, very real not only while she was sleeping, but also when she was awake.
She was forgetting who she was. Even in fantasy, his presence had been so real- as if his inner voice was communicating with hers, even though in reality he had drifted far away.
Maybe a lover can feel the vibrations of a true lover’s unspoken love. That is what was happening to her by the magic of God in an hour she needed the energy of love the most.
How could the feelings be so true?
One day she was missing him terribly and picturing him everywhere.
One very famous song of Elvis Presley – “Are you Lonesome Tonight’’ seemed to be wafting in the wind echoing his feelings.
“Are you lonesome tonight?
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray to a bright summer day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
I wonder if you’re lonesome tonight
You know someone said that the world’s a stage and each of us must play a part
Fate had me playing in love with you as my sweetheart
Act one was where we met
I loved you at first glance’’
She implored, “Yes, I want you to come to me.’’
He whispered, “ I will. I will come to you.’’
She: “When?’’
He: “ You will understand. But I am always there with you. You are not alone. Do not worry.’’
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
One day she felt him in her dreams. The dream was too real.
He had suddenly come to her city by flight and was not finding a place to stay. He was frantically searching her running on the streets and calling her name, with sweat trickling down his face.
Then , he started to ring her bell frantically calling her name with his heart pounding. She ran to the gate. There he was.
“Would you let me in?’’
She was crying. She was searching for the key. But the door gave way to him magically.
He had come.
She felt like screaming.
He said, “ Don’t scream and wake up everybody. Hush.’’
Everything was darkness.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
One day she had a very realistic dream. She felt him saying, “ I will come to take you away. I have devised a plan to take you away from your father. Pack up everything of yours and be ready.’’
She started organizing her belongings. Each item reminded her of some good memory associated with it.
His words were such a source of peace to her!
Her father’s unexpected change of nature and behavior was shocking and unbearable for her! She could not think that taking advantage of her weakness he could bully her so much! She had never done that with him when he was sick or weak, but had loved him more. How could he have the mentality to do so?
She was not very accustomed to deal with such highly problematic behavior and psychology. Often his behavior was beyond her understanding. Actually she was more talented than her father and her father was somewhat jealous and enjoying the trouble she was going through. She understood this later. Whenever you get unexpectedly bad behavior, there is primarily two reasons- jealousy or that person is having problems and that is why creating problems in other people’s lives. Such behavior from outsiders is easier to digest, but from a father is very difficult. How he tormented her mind, taking so much devilish delight by hurting her terribly in her sensitive weak points, provoking her, making her scream and shout out of pain and then call her mad. Her father had retired and most of the time remained at home. She never disturbed him but he would start the whole thing, and when she got disturbed or shouted he blamed her and pretended as if he had done nothing. He was crossing his limits, enjoying his authority and the fact that there was actually nobody to stop him. He even belittled God.
All this was happening for no fault of her own.
However she tried to get love from him, he misbehaved. She had never seen such behavior before.
Outside he would pretend to be a gentleman, but the daughter knew his true colors.
Bad times show you who actually loves you and who does not. She understood her mother truly loved her. Her mother was her lifeline of survival. Her father had also misbehaved with her mother. She had not liked that, and somewhere she felt that her mother loved so much and she did not deserve such mean misbehavior. She had started resenting and disrespecting her father. But still she wanted her father to love her.
She had also not been satisfied with her father in many ways. But she had never taken advantage of his weakness or make him feel unloved. She had to think that God was her father who would never hurt her or belittle her feelings.
She was going through an insecure phase in her life. He would make her feel even more insecure. But what had she done with him? Others may have been bad with him, but she had not. She did not deserve such behavior, or to be badly treated.
Had her father not been around, her mind would have been in a much better condition.
Her father had no consideration for her mental well-being. This behavior continued for a long time. Her mother loved her even more during adverse situations. She could never forgive her father for all this. Later in her life also she could not love her father, because whenever these memories resurfaced in her mind, she would abhor him and disrespect him like anything. Feelings of anger would come. Her feeling for him was never like the pure love she had in childhood, teen and early twenties. Her mother would remind her how he had loved and cared for her a lot, but yes after that again those memories would come back and torment her, and she would start hating him.
The worst part was he did not have the etiquette to say sorry……………..sometimes she demanded, “Say sorry.’’ Her mother would scold him and tell him to say sorry. He would say with a tone of ridicule. Sometimes the mother would console the daughter by saying that her father was sorry.
He had made many days, moments in her life for no reason hell after a certain age. He had no right to do that.
One morning, she woke up and was singing a song looking at the garden through her open window. She had been subject to lot of injustice and had been continuously shocked by the extent of societal injustice she had seen in different quarters. All this had taken a toll on her nervous system and she was having visions of fear and apprehension.
A car did come and she got up. She was exhausted, but she had the firm belief that she was going to him. She did find herself in a separate place in a room where she stayed in peace and tranquility for few days. Her mother visited her and she received good care. It was such a big relief that her father was not there. It was heaven. She longed to go back to home, to her mother. How beautiful it would be if her father was not there! Her mind was filled with his thoughts. There was a window from where she could see beautiful trees and a nice television where she watched song and dance sequences of movies. She was alone without her father and it was like paradise! Bad thoughts did not come to her. There was a lady who used to look after her and take care of the room. The lady used to love her songs. Those few days were so reviving. She got everything she was used to at home, courtesy her mother.
She came back to home only for her mother. Her mother gave her a new beautiful floral maxi to wear. Her father remarked, “ You are looking more beautiful than before.’’
She was feeling stronger when he returned. God was giving her strength and deep insights to battle further, also to face her father.
She grew more beautiful day by day. The more she thought of him, the more she thought of God, she felt empowered.
She still had confusions:
Is he a mirage, or a shadow of a dream which seems so real?
Did I know him in one of my previous births?
Why does the song in his heart overwhelm me with his love?
Both viraha and the hope of milana blend so magically in the tune he plays in his flute!
While I contemplate the prospect of unity, or the tragedy of separation by insurmountable barriers that warmth of tears could never melt,
My heart bleeds-
Whoever he is, however he is,
He is there with me, he is there inside me,
He will not leave me, neither will I.
But only if he comes and talks to me………………………..
Will he ever come up to her maybe later in her life and talk to her?
Life’s path had scarred her heart, but the pain had made her stronger and chiseled her features more beautifully.
She had a dream……………the dream was more than a dream…………………………………………………….
It was a cold winter evening.
His thoughts were reminding her of her college days, the way she dressed, her outfits, her accessories.
After a long time she decided to doll herself up. She wore a bright yellow blouse and a black flowing skirt with floral embroidery and small round mirrors reflecting the dancing beams of light. The elastic waistband of the skirt caressed her slender waist. She wore silver anklets and felt like dancing. She did some graceful turns in front of the mirror. Her face with sharp yet dreamy eyes , un-plucked yet shapely eyebrows, well-sculpted nose, cute forehead and lovely red lips was sweet, pleasant and cool with a beautiful radiance. With the soft touch of a smooth fine brush she applied eyeliner. She moistened her full blooded lips with a lip gel. She wore two beautiful earrings.
She looked at her reflection in the mirror and felt for a long time, she had not looked so lovely.
He was whispering, “I am coming. Wait, dear, wait.’’
There was a special liveliness in her demeanor as she waited.
She was in a state of stupor. She had her dinner and waited. Nobody came.
She climbed the little staircase and entered her room, her heart thumping heavily. Her pulses throbbed and her heart beat faster as her passions became more intense with the passage of time.
Was he coming?
Her outward calm was a complete contrast to the turbulent emotional under-current.
The night was cold and magical. The sky was clear, draped in beautiful mystical shades of blue , set ablaze with the silver flame of the glittering stars and planets and the moonbeams of the glittering moon.
Suddenly she heard a beautiful melody. She turned around. There he was standing at the foot of the staircase with her arms open to embrace her.
She felt like screaming. As he climbed up the stairs, she somehow fainted and fell into his arms.
When she regained consciousness, she saw him. He was holding her in his arms. There was a sense of peaceful surrender working inside her. No fear, no worries, no apprehensions………….only heavenly peace and happiness she had not experienced for a long time. The windows in her room were open. The fresh air was soothing her. The wind was not bitterly cold but reviving.
She saw him standing in front of an open window, looking into her eyes. How romantic was his gaze!
The wind played with his hair. The moonlight shone on his face. He looked so irresistibly charming!
She asked,“ Why have you never talked with me?’’
He replied, “I have talked with you with my eyes. People hurt each other so much with words. As I deeply love you I do not require words to express myself. My eyes are enough. So many people have hurt you with their words. But can you recall any bitter memory with me? No. Look into my eyes. Feel me, feel me deeply.’’
Tears were streaming down her eyes. What a lovely voice he had! He came forward and kissed her tears. She could see warm tears in his eyes also. She gently wiped the tears. But more tears came, and then more…….
She started to trace the outline of his face with her fingers……………..his hands now encircled her waist…………………………………….
Both looked at each other intently though the watery film of their tearful eyes………………………………..
Her lips touched his…………..they kissed.
She grasped his hand……….how lovely was it to hold his hand……………..
She was getting strength………..
He whispered, “I will always hold you. Whenever you feel weak, you imagine you are holding me. You will get strength……strength to overcome your weaknesses or any unfavorable situation. If you feel you are helpless, not finding any way out, start feeling me deeply. I will show you the way.’’
“See, we are not blessed with marital bliss, or staying together in reality. But what you see or feel in your conscious is not the whole reality. There is a reality beyond that and I am a part of that reality. You will be able to feel me, envision me-that is also reality. You see light, but not the quanta. But that does mean the quanta do not exist. The quanta account for the ultimate reality of light. You feel me, but you do not see me, but that does not mean that I am not with you or I do not exist. My love is true, and the vibrations of true love have no boundaries. If you call me your vibrations will reach me and I will respond. Some real-life magic will always happen when you call me, you feel me deeply. In the tangible world, you will see a different me- living in a different world. But in another world you belong to me. I have married you a long time back when I first saw you, will you ?’’
She had developed faith in him. That faith she would never be able to develop in any other man.
She said, “Yes.’’
He smiled, “We will also have a marriage ceremony and anniversary celebration. We must celebrate our marriage anniversary every year.’’
Holding his hand she climbed down the stairs. How she had dreamt that he would come, hold her hand, go down the stairs with her and take her out of her world of misery. That was now happening.
Suddenly the backdrop changed.
It was spring.
A beautiful marriage ceremony had been organized in a beautiful room. She had worn her yellow Benarasi saree and red veil, gold ornaments, a garland of flowers keeping pictures of Hindu gods, goddesses and Bhagavad Geeta as sakshi. A beautiful painting of Lord Shiva symbolizing calmness and self-control “Shonjom’’ done by her was also there. These two were essential attributes she had desired in her husband. This painting had magically always generated positive feelings of happiness and peace even in the most uncertain and disturbing times. She had decided never to sell this painting. There were yellow and red roses everywhere.
He had come into the room early in the morning, even before she had entered. A divine light had lighted up the marriage hall. Her mother was looking beautiful like a goddess. Her father was his former good-humored self without gait disorder. She was so happy that he was walking with so much ease!
Beautiful birds have come in to see the wedding. Beautiful plants, trees and flowers peeped in through the open windows. Her childhood toys had come alive and were playing and dancing. Many children had come in to celebrate the occasion. They encircled her, danced and sang. Among the guests, nobody was infected with the diseases of lust, gluttony and jealousy. There was no evil eye to see the couple.
There was a beautiful table with a compact spread of the most beautiful light food items having soft, gentle, soothing taste. There were beautiful fairies to serve in the most beautifully designed glasses, bowls and plates.
She wept with joy, and the divine light created many patterns on the teardrops. There was her man. She was having happy visions of her radiant and glowing pregnant self dressed up in a dark green beautiful gown. Wherever she looked, she saw that vision. A sweet child seemed to come running to her with open arms.
He was holding her in his arms……………she felt no apprehension. She was flying.
She was on a beautiful bed with the petals of the most beautiful flowers of the world –petals were raining on her from heaven when she awoke…….it was her new birth……….
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
She felt him deeply, envisioned him.
Surely, he channeled her towards positivity. With his inner voice and invisible hand, he took her out from her dismal abyss and guided her to places where she unexpectedly found help at the right hour and her favorite things. He reminded her of many things she had loved before, made her dress up the way he wanted to see her, made her update herself with regard to food, fashion, books, art- she was finding herself in restaurants with him sitting opposite her, in clothes stores buying tops, skirts, jeans of recent fashion, in bookstores looking at and buying books, in art exhibitions, functions, cinema halls. As if he had come to bring back the lost colors of her life and to fill up any vacuum she had.
One day she could never forget.
It was a bright beautiful morning. He said, “You get dressed up and come out. You will see me. Just follow your instincts. Get up on a bus, and get down when I say from inside. Just follow your inner voice.’’
She went to her room and wore a recently bought beautiful purple and blue top teaming it with a multi-colored flowing skirt. She was looking gorgeous.
She used to go for art classes in an institution. There she found herself going, She took a bus, went down, went inside the institution and took the lift without knowing which floor. She stopped listening to her instincts and came out of the elevator.
She had with her a conceptual painting she had recently done depicting a poem. It had not got proper appreciation from her art teacher.
She accidentally met an art teacher who was quiet lenient. He asked her to explain the picture. He appreciated her work and said that conceptual art was an advanced domain and encouraged her to pursue it. He was taking an art class of children. He invited her to see his class.
As she was talking with him, she felt some excitement was going on in his class among his students on seeing her.
When she entered with a smiling face, she was greeted with a smile by all of them. But among the students, one sweet boy drew her attention the most. He was so sweet, so adorable with dreamy expressive eyes. He had an adorable combination of intelligence, innocence and sweetness. He was slim with oval face, and the skin had a tender softness. He had instantly liked her, as she could understand from the murmurs of his friends. She talked with him; he did not speak, but smiled and blushed. His eyes spoke volumes. She was instantly reminded of him, as if this child was representing him when he was a child.
The nature, the way he looked, the way he behaved was so like him! She was seeing him from close quarters. He had that power of imagination and creativity. He was so like her and very different from the rest.
She was certainly seeing him through this lovely child. She was wondering how this could happen, why this was happening.
She felt for him terribly.
After class, all the children came down. Majority of them were having phuchka, but he refused. He was very much like her. She did not have street food, and he was also not having even though his friends were jeering. In the daab stall(coconut water stall), he pointed out towards a “Kochi daab’’ (smooth, light green unripe coconut)but the servant would not give him. She also loved to have kochi daab. She got very enraged and scolded his servant. She bought two, one for herself, one for him. She made him feel comfortable, “ I also love it. Let both of us have it.’’ He gratefully accepted the daab and started sipping.
He was so much like her, in his qualities, looks, choices.
During college she used to regularly have coconut water, especially kochi daab. Suddenly she was reminded of that. College memories related to coconut water made her reminiscent of that beautiful time.
She did not feel like leaving the spot.
She left with a heavy heart. Though she had spoken to him, he had only smiled and blushed, but not spoken to her. While walking away, when she looked back, she saw him staring at her with a longing glance. She stopped for a while. It was impossible to tear herself away from him. Eventually she left.
When she boarded the bus, a beautiful romantic Hindi song of Md. Rafi was playing. It was as if he had dedicated this song for her.
She searched for him later, but could never see him, nor track him. But she longed to see him so much! She should have stayed longer, followed him, seen his destination. Why didn’t she do all that? Why was God so unkind to her? Why was God throwing her amidst people who did not go with her, and why was he taking away people whom she really liked and wanted to be with?
The gaze of the boy and the memory continued to haunt her. She often wondered why all this was happening. The whole thing was a mystery.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….At the end in reality she again found a foothold, a new life, a new career and a new identity where she could get the proper appreciation of her talent by maintaining her honesty and integrity. She cannot deny the power of magical realism she had experienced, the blending of reality into fantasy and fantasy into reality to come out of a helpless phase in her life. He had empowered and emboldened her with his love, guidance and magical presence. It was certainly by the blessing of God, she had regained faith in life, in love, in the divine and was much better equipped to handle highly problematic people.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
He still comes to her when she feels insecure and makes magic happen. There are episodes when she is oblivious about him. Then again he resurfaces, and minds and thoughts are preoccupied with him. He makes her strong, shows her the way and then magic happens……..
And then again another magic, and another………………………………………………………
Why?
The whole thing still remains a mystery to her. She had once e-mailed him and got no reply.
She still thinks-
What would have happened if they had really talked? If he would have talked in reality what would have happened? Does he miss her in reality? What does he think when alone? Does she help him in some way when he is in need or feels insecure?
What do you think?
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
